Keep You Happy.

7 October 2014

The biggest change recently has been a cleansing. A getting rid of. Of a negative energy and negative force in my life. I'm obviously not going to go into massive amounts of detail because I don't want this to be about my personal situation or why I got rid of this thing from my life. I want this to be more about what it's done for me and why I think it's the best move I've ever made, and why I can only encourage anyone who is thinking about doing the same to do it.

It was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever done, if I'm totally honest, getting rid of this thing. Actually, it's a group of people, not a thing, so I may as well just say that. It's a group of people that, if I'm totally honest, I'd known for about a year of the two years I've known them, weren't exactly the best people to be around. People who didn't have my best interests at heart, really selfish people who just wanted it to be a constant stream of me giving and them using it whilst giving nothing in return.

Obviously friendships shouldn't be based on a balance of giving and taking, there are times when we massively have to be there for people and can't expect them to be there for us at the exact moment when they're feeling really low. I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about people who take from you, use and exploit you and then make you feel like you're contributing nothing and that you're a really rubbish person. People who demand you care about them but don't actually care about anyone else but themselves in return. Just really self centred people who aren't really your friends.

You can really only see who these people are when you have some really true friends to compare them against, and as well as getting rid of negative people I've also gotten a new group of friends and the differences in the vibes of the group are insane. It's only having the amazing group to compare the rubbish group to that I really realised and underlined just how badly the other group was for me as a person.

When you are around a group of people who sap the energy from you, who degrade you and who walk all over you whilst expecting massive favours in return, you're not in a fair relationship. It might not be that they're doing it on purpose, it may be, as it was in my case, that they're so self involved they actually don't realise that what they're doing isn't acceptable. But when you've tried to bring it up and nothing is happening it's time to cut yourself loose.

There were a number of reasons not to cut these people loose, they were friends of the family and there were possibly professional contacts in there. But you get to a point where the cons just outweigh the pros too much to consider not taking the necessary action. If you know you're at that point you have to put aside what everyone else around you says on it, because they're not involved. Not the way you are. You are the only one directly experiencing what you're experiencing and, because of that, no one else's opinion on the matter is more important than yours.

As soon as I cut myself from these people I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in a long time. It wasn't until I got rid of them and felt the weight lift off me that I realised just how much of a weight they'd been. I feel so much more positive in so many areas of life - not just in my friendship groups but in my uni course, my blog, my youtube as well as my own self. I honestly didn't notice how drained I was in all of these areas and how much I'd let the negative influence of those people take over and affect so many aspects of my life.

All I can say is, if you know someone isn't a good person for you to be around, get rid of them. It's awkward but you have to do it. For me it just got to a point where I told them not to call me anymore, a rash retort to yet another 'drop everything I'm having a drama and no I don't care about the fact you're busy' moment. It may have seemed a slight over reaction to a small moment, but when multiple small things add up it only takes another tiny one to push you over. I don't feel bad about the way I handled it, and usually I would. I was blunt and it wasn't thought through but it was still the best thing I've ever done. Three weeks later and I'm still feeling no remorse over it.

If that's not something you think you'll be able to do just do it slowly - stop replying to their texts, don't check Facebook chats and make yourself have a million and one plans that involve other people so you just can't be available for them. (The people I'm talking about would have turned up on my doorstep if I'd said I couldn't come to them because of something like uni work, if they knew I was in the house no matter how busy I was they'd turn up and make sure I had time with them. This might not apply to your situation but it's why I'm saying involve other people!)

If they really don't get the message then I'm afraid you might have to go down a more direct route - but trust me when I say no matter how hard it is it will be the most freeing thing you've ever done. If it helps then sit down and write out a list of all the reasons - with examples - of why you don't want to be their friend anymore i.e. they're constantly putting you down - that time we went on a night out to __________ and they said __________ to deliberately make you feel less good about yourself. Then, before you're about to do the deed, use your list to give you the strength to do it. If they ask why, you've also got a list of reasons why. It might make for an apology and a way for you to still be friends but have your relationship dynamic change but if not, no real loss on your part.

The bottom line here is you only get one shot at your current life and you have to live it in the best way possible for you. You can't spend it being someone's doormat. You can't make yourself miserable because that makes someone else happy. You're here for a good time not a long time and all those types of things. You don't need the negative influences in your life, so get rid of them and make you life the way you want it. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and, once you're there, keep yourself happy.

Join the conversation!

  1. Love this post my love, hope you feel a lot better now :) Since I started sticking to friends who fully make me happy to be around, I'm a much happier person for it xx


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