Trench Coat - H&M
Bag - Zara
Dress - River Island
Belt - River Island
Shoes - Clarks
Book Necklace - Marc Jacobs
Key Necklace - Swarovki
Sometimes things go wrong. I know that's not what anyone likes to talk about, and when you clicked to see what assortment of clothes I was wearing today you probably didn't bargain for a chat about things not going to plan, but if you want to skip by this ramble and just leave a nice comment about the belt (let's be honest, the belt's the best bit, right?) then I promise I won't judge. Except there's not a huge point in skipping past the point, because the point is that things go wrong. And it doesn't matter how much time or effort or planning went into something, it might, at the end of the day, all just go tits up. Yep, I did just use the expression tits up on this blog. It's a new era.
But there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can take care of everything on your end and fate just might throw a spanner in the works. Or you can take care of everything on your end and the one part of a project that someone else had to do (You had one job, Phil, one job!) and they go and muck it up. Whatever it is, it's totally outwit your control. You aren't an entity in the decision making process of whatever it is that happens that causes everything to just go wrong.
Take these photos. I didn't ever think they'd see the light of day - or the pages of this blog - because they just didn't go to plan. The sun was halfway down the sky, it was stuck behind a building, there were shadows because of the buildings, when we stood somewhere without shadow I could barely keep my eyes open... It was the god damned sun's fault!
And yesterday, yesterday I had an exam. An exam that officially went tits up. I study drama, so we had to put together a performance for the first half of our exam - doing the onstage and offstage roles. But here's the thing, when you're onstage you can't do offstage roles. So the person being assessed on the lights and sound has to hand the cues to the person doing the actual tech whilst we're onstage being assessed, and that tech person is just supposed to get it within a few hours. (No, I don't understand what the logic in making this an assessment was either.) So there we were onstage, and the scene was done. And there was no blackout. Then later on we were in a blackout, busy tying up someone on stage with the help of some tech crew members (I told you, I study drama, this is an average day) then suddenly... no blackout. Lights up, and I'm onstage with 4 techies tying someone up. I suppose if you're outwith the theatre terminology none of this will be making any sense whatsoever, but let's put it this way - it all went tits up. And because of the technical mistakes we were all worrying all through our performances. And people forgot lines. And people tried to cover it with lines that weren't in the script, but then no one else could pick it up. And generally, generally it all just went tits up. TITS UP.
So I came home and I cried. Bearing in mind I'm not a cryer. I was just so frustrated that all my elements of assessment were fine and it was other people's stuff that was going wrong and that was affecting me. When you've worked really hard at something to have it ruined because someone else did or didn't do something... It sucks.
But it happens. It happens to everyone. So sometimes you've just got to suck it up.
Bad things will happen, and things will go wrong. But what that underlines in life is who's there for you. Because it's a total cliche, but when things go wrong people start to blame each other and it all descends from there. And you can tell who the decent people are because, whilst they're maybe frustrated or angry that something went wrong, they still understand that maybe it wasn't necessarily anyone's fault and maybe it fucked everyone involved over when that thing went wrong, and maybe it wasn't just about one individual person. So the people to hold onto in life are the ones who acknowledge that it went wrong but who take responsibility when it's their fault and who don't throw blame around when it's not. Because sometimes there's no one to blame.
Take my exam - technical stuff went wrong because the technical crew had been handed a prompt copy that morning and then the other show tech run took longer, so ours got rushed and not properly practised. Then lines went askew because people were nervous as a knock on effect of the technical difficulties. It wasn't anyone's fault. If we really want to find someone to blame, then we probably need to go back to the incident after lunch that held up something that held up something else that made the first tech run start late that meant ours was late which meant we didn't have time and know what? No one bloody knows what that incident after lunch was, or who it involved. So there's no point in turning on people who have done everything they were supposed to.
These things just happen.
And you can take a diva fit and say 'until you stop these things from happening, this thing does not happen' (Phantom of the Opera, anyone?) or you can grow up, suck it up and get over it.
That was only part one of our exam, the other part isn't due for another two weeks and I imagine it's going to be taken into consideration that the execution of the technical aspects weren't our responsibility and I imagine the technical people will be given an allowance of 'well you were sort of thrown into this this morning'. We'll pass. Maybe not as well as we could have, but we'll pass. And it's only third year, the grades technically don't count until next year.
And these outfit photos? I can retake them another day. I wear clothes on a daily basis.
There's always a second chance at something, or if not that then a chance to make up for something or explain something. And sometimes things go wrong and you can't explain it, you just need to acknowledge it, breathe in and out, let go of the stress and move on.
Just remember that rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength, optimism is the faith that leads to achievement and that people spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past and getting on with their lives. Don't be one of those people. Because when it comes down to it - luck's always to blame.